


summer is all we have

by skyes



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Circus, Alternate Universe - College/University, Boys In Love, Cuban Lance (Voltron), Insecure Lance (Voltron), Japanese Keith (Voltron), Lotor and Allura are cousins, Lotor is NOT a bad guy, M/M, Nonbinary Pidge | Katie Holt, POV Alternating, Rating will change in the future, Struggling with Sexuality, adding characters later, canon typical angst, unbetaed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2018-12-13 10:21:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11757810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyes/pseuds/skyes
Summary: Lance has - and always had - a rather romantic concept when it came to the world he lived in. He had a very romantic concept when it came to his last summer as a high school student as well, actually. He dreamt of something amazing and grand, and kissing the right girls, but... nothing of that sort happened.Instead, his best friend left him for the summer holiday, cause he had family to visit, and ocean to swim in, and Lance had to work in his father's garage, and babysit the kids, and...Well, a circus came to town.And they came the next year, too.And the year after that.And the circus had a trapeze artist called Keith.





	1. this one summer

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys! i know, i know, it's a not comic book related fic, must be a surprise, but here we go. i was working on this one for a long time now, and i love it endlessly. we have to talk about some things, tho, canon related, and other stuff as well. 
> 
> i know, that we now know how many members there are in Lance's family, but when i started to write this, that was still unclear, and i didn't want to change that, cause his siblings as i imagined them will have an important role in this story. i did change Hunk's heritage tho, because originally i wrote him as Hawaiian, but his heritage is not that significant, strictly from the fic's point of view (other than that, i'm endlessly happy that he's Samoan!)
> 
> not in this chapter, but in later additions, the rating will change, so if you're not okay with sexual content, please be warned now. also, Lance will probably struggle with his sexuality in this one, and as i know myself, there might be a lots of angst along the way.
> 
> i'm still an english second language person, and this is unbetaed, so sorry about that :(
> 
> aaaand, that would be it! enjoy :)

There was something romantic about his last summer as a high school student. He couldn’t tell what exactly, but like… in every story, didn’t matter if it was a book, or a movie, or something else, the important things always happened in the first or last summer.

Now. His first summer before he went to high school was so boring he almost died, so he pinned all his hopes on this one.

Not that it started as something special, really. The weather was almost unbearably hot and humid since the first days of May (well, okay, that might have been weird, the dog days usually started in the end of May or the beginning of June, and now they were here almost a month early) but other than that, it was just like any other summer holiday before that. He had to help in his father’s garage to fix up old or simply just shitty cars and when he wasn’t in the shop he usually looked after his siblings, the younger ones, that is.

It was a Wednesday, it was always a Wednesday, that horrible, horrible day, because everything ever had happened on a Wednesday… Anyway, it was yet again a Wednesday, hot, like all the other days in the summer, he was sprawled out on the sofa, watching the rerun of this horrible telenovela and tried really hard not to die in the awful weather. Or of boredom. Both of those seemed entirely possible in that moment.

He was terribly lonely and grumpy and hopeless.

And maybe just a tiny bit overdramatic.

He was like ten minutes into the quadrillionth episode, when his little sister, Rebekah basically kicked the door in and jumped onto his stomach.

“Ow!” Lance sucked in a painful breath and exclaimed, as the little girl bounced on his rib cage.

“A circus is coming to town!” she shrieked, and shoved a piece of paper into his face, with colorful text and pictures all over it.

“And couldn’t you tell me that without possibly killing me?”

“No, I mean it’s so exciting? I’ve never been to a circus before!”

“Believe me kid, it’s not that’s fantastic,” Lance mumbled, and the comment got Rebekah pouting. She was right, Lance was being a douche taking out all his frustration and boredom on her honest and pure excitement. Wow, talk about being an asshole, huh. He didn’t apologize though, just ran his eyes over the text.

“What do you mean by that? Circus is _magic_ ,” the little girl stated, sitting up on his hips, and crossed her tiny arms defiantly.

“Sure.”

“You know, you have to take me and Mario, because Mom and Dad for sure won’t.”

Lance grunted, but didn’t say anything else, silently accepting his fate. There was no point in arguing, no way he could’ve won against the little monsters. A triumphant grin showed up on Reb’s face.

“Gonna tell Mario!” she laughed and jumped off of her brother, causing yet more pain, but Lance really couldn’t be any more miserable, than he already was, so…

And did he mention that maybe, just maybe, he had a bit of a dramatic streak in him?

By the time they had to leave for the circus, Lance was convinced that this summer will be just as horribly boring as all the other ones were in her pathetic life, spent with babysitting his siblings. He had nothing against that, of course, he loved the kids endlessly, but he could imagine better ways to spend two hot months than just work and taking care of the little ones. He didn’t really wanted to ruin his siblings’ fun however, no matter how badly he felt, really, so he pretended that he was at least a bit excited about the coming show.

The advertisement promised artists, and clowns, and wild animals like elephants and lions, and okay, maybe he actually was just a bit interested in lions. They were really cool after all. The show started at 7 pm, and the circus was just a short walk away from their house by the edge of the town in the middle of no man’s land. Lance was so used to see there nothing, it was bit of a surprise to be welcomed by the huge, colorful tent with all the lights and the noise.

There were lots of people - mostly kids and their appointed custodians. Older brothers and sisters, parents. The air was filled with laughter and it hurt Lance to admit that maybe Reb was right, and circus was _magic._ The boy couldn’t remember when was the last time when _he himself_ visited one, or how was it, how did he feel, when he entered the world of wonders, where people rode lions, and could fly.

“This is so _amazing_!” Mario shouted, tightening his grip around Lance hand. “So many people!”

“It’s so exciting, right?” Reb asked, but didn’t really waited an answer. He looked up at Lance instead. “Hurry, we still have to buy tickets!” she tugged at Lance’s arm, and Lance followed her lead and stepped in the long line of people waiting for their turn to get a ticket for the show.

Once they were inside, that typical circus smell filled Lance’s nose and lungs he didn’t even remembered he knew. It was so familiar, so much like his childhood, he kind of felt moved, while his siblings were bouncing on their seats, waiting for all the wonders to start.

It didn’t take long; once everyone was inside, the lights went off except for the one that enlightened the podium and the ringmaster stepped out of the shadows, cleared his throat and started on his rich voice, “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome! I hope all of you are ready to see all the wonders that this night is ready to offer.

“This is a place where dreams do come true, where the impossible becomes possible. Circus Maximus was teared out from ancient myths and fairy tales. Let its magic consume you!”

Lance knew it fully well that the speech was just for the show, yet he couldn’t not get under its influence. It almost felt like something changed as soon as everything went dark, like they’d actually gone to another world or dimension.

It was a lie, but Lance couldn’t find it in himself to go against it.

He also couldn’t really decide which one was actually better: the show itself or the awe on his siblings’ faces. Sometimes Lance thought about how nothing was more magical, more honest, more beautiful, than a child’s face when happy. Even if that was a terribly sentimental thought for an almost 18-years-old.

He was still a kid himself, wasn’t he.

“And now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our star trapeze artist, Keith, who will present his skill without a safety net!”

Mario gasped next to Lance, and Lance also looked up at the pole where the trapeze artist had to jump from. He looked small from down where they were sitting, but he looked somehow steady, too.

“Will he really jump without safety something?” Reb whispered, and as far as Lance could tell…

“Yeah, I think so,” he whispered back.

“But that’s crazy! What if he falls?” Rebekah looked pretty desperate and scared, so Lance gave him a reassuring smile.

“He better be good enough not to fall then, right?”

And he was. He was even better. Lance caught himself not being able to look at anything else but him, _Keith,_ even if he was too far up to be seen clearly, for Lance to see his face or the expressions he’d made. You could only see his lean, muscular figure in a black and red uniform, _dancing_ up there, like it was the easiest thing that has been ever done on this earth, and maybe it was for him. As for Lance, he was awestruck, like he wasn’t in a really, really long time.

Keith’s part ended too soon, and after that they reached the end of the show, too. Lance realized that he was oddly melancholic over it, but the thought left him soon, when all the performers lined up on the podium, bowing, and grinning and accepting the storm of applause. It was well-deserved.

Close to the ground, he could finally see Keith’s face as well. He was… he was handsome, to see the least, his face thin, but beautiful. The trapeze artist was clearly of Asian heritage, just like the ringmaster, who, as soon as the applause died down a bit, opened his mouth to speak again, with a huge and warm smile on his lips.

“Thank you so much for joining us on this magical night. We all hope that you have enjoyed our show, and will come back to have a bit of fun with us again. We will spend most of the summer here. Also, some of our animals are really friendly, if the children would like to meet them, please do so, they will wait behind the tent.”

For that announcement, both Mario and Rebekah screamed excitedly.

“We can go, right?” the little girl asked, and honestly, Lance was sure he couldn’t deny anything when he was looked at by eyes like hers.

“Sure thing,” he nodded, and the smile grew even wider on his siblings’ faces, and honestly, he didn’t think that was even possible.

Of course, there were many other kids who wanted to meet the animals, and the line was long. Fortunately, however, the circus offered other fun things as well, it felt like a tiny, mobile fair, with cotton candy, and shooting-galleries.

“What do you think, should we look around until the line to the elephants gets shorter?” Lance asked, and was welcomed by vehement yeses. He bought candy and popcorn to the kids, then they got lost in the tiny mirror house. He was afraid that it would be scary, maybe even too scary for the kids, but instead of the usual smoke and ghosts pattern, the circus people created a small universe. It was dark, but warmly so, and the mirrors created stars instead of their endless reproduction.

_It was magic._

They sat down on the floor and spent a couple of minutes naming non-existent constellations. Lance had fun. He couldn’t even remember when was the last time he felt this good, and all could be thanked to a stupid travelling circus.

Eventually, most of the people disappeared. It was getting late, and the town folks felt like it was time to go home. Which meant that Lance and his siblings could finally see the wild animals.

“Is that a boy or a girl?” Mario asked and it made Lance hiss, hoping that the tiny person didn’t hear the very, _very_ disrespectful comment.

“You don’t necessarily have to be one or the other,” Lance explained, voice low. “And you might hurt the feelings of the other person if you are not careful.”

Mario’s mouth formed a silent, perfectly round ‘o’, and he looked at the person in front of them tending to the elephants carefully. They very well might be the last people staying on circus grounds, but hey, they weren’t in any hurry, it was summer holiday after all.

The animal caretaker had unruly brown hair and round glasses, and judging by the expression on their face, they heard the entire little conversation. Much to Lance’s relief however, when they reached them, they just knelt down in front of Mario, with a reassuring smile.

“Don’t worry kiddo, I’m not hurt. The only thing that is different between us is that instead of she or he, people refer to me as they. What do ya think, can you do that for me if we meet again?” they asked, and Mario nodded. It wasn't the first and definitely not the last time when Lance was impressed by kids. They were so young and in such a formative age, that they could accept if he said there were more to life than just boys and girls. They believed it. They didn't have the grown-ups cruelty. “Okey-dokey then, who wants to check out the animal part of the circus family?” she asked with a huge grin, and reached out for the hands of the kids, then looked up at Lance. “You wanna come, too?”

“Nah, I’m just going to watch from here, thanks,” he shook his head with a tiny smile.

Lance was pretty much sure, that this wasn’t the last time they visited the circus, as both of his siblings were just… mesmerized. They talked about the gig, the animals, the members of the circus team all the way home, and Lance didn’t feel like stopping them; if anything, he felt kind of grateful. He couldn’t remember when was the last time he could have innocent fun like this. If it hadn’t been for his sibling, he would’ve never come.

***

It was freaking hard to get up the next morning and go to his father’s and help out with work. After taking out the kids, he really felt like he would’ve deserved a day off. His parents, however, thought differently. So Lance got up, put on some work clothes - meaning they were all kinda ruined already with gasoline strains and stuff - and went down the street to the garage.

In this town, everyone kind of just expected him to follow his father, maybe go to a good university and learn all about cars and engines and stuff. But Lance wasn’t that interested in cars and engines. He was good at fixing them because he was doing this all his life, but that didn’t mean that he loved them. He loved kids, he loved helping people, and he wanted to go to uni to learn more about that. Being a social worker maybe? He had no idea though how to present that idea to his parents, or friends, or family, or _anyone_ , really when all the people in little towns like this did was judging others and gossiping.

He sighed, lying under an old truck, that was beyond saving in his opinion, really, but they gotta put the old girl back together anyway, when he heard the distant noise of wheels, then someone clearing their throat.  

“Do you guys take bikes?”

Lance rose an eyebrow. _Nobody_ in this dirthole of a town owned anything that could’ve been called a bike, or he would’ve known about it. He rolled out under the track, wiping his hands and looking up at the guy, then he forgot to… well, mainly exist for a moment there. No breathing, no brainwaves, no _nothing_ , just the guy, standing there, lean muscles and painfully straight spine, grey orbs and the most ridiculous mullet he had ever had the pleasure to meet. He knew the guy.

He knew how he carried himself in the air, fearless and beautiful.

Oh god, why was he thinking of the other as beautiful?

Apparently, he had a freaking cool bike as well. There _were_ perfect people out there, huh.

“I guess,” he finally said, after he rebooted his brain and all the functions he needed to be alive were up and running.

“I’m travelling with the circus, so it’s not too urgent, or anything, but I think there’s something up with her engine or the battery. Hard to tell,” the guy, _Keith_ , said, pointing his thumb towards the black monster behind his back. Lance had only seen a bike like that on pictures before.

“Is that an Energica?” he asked, mouth slightly agape.

“Yeah. You’ve heard about it?”

“Well, sure, but man. I have no idea if I can fix it up for you, though, I don’t have any experience with electric bikes. Like, at all.” Not to mention that it was a freaking expensive bike, like… Lance didn’t think he would ever see one, let alone get his hands on it.

“You’re the only garage around here,” the guy mumbled, looking at the machine, and Lance sighed, again.

“Dad and I… we can take a look, but no promises,” he said, and the black-head’s face cheered up immediately. It wasn’t a huge change, but Lance could still see it, how his lips curled just a tiny but up, and some wrinkles appeared in the corner of his eyes. It looked good on him.

“I’m Keith, by the way,” the guy said, offering his hand, and Lance took it.

“Lance. Saw you with my siblings yesterday night.”

“You liked the show?”

“It was amazing,” Lance nodded, looking into the other boy’s eyes and if the moment got a bit more intense than necessary, well, it wasn’t Lance’s fault.

***

The most unbearable thing about summer was the absence of his best friend. You see, Lance was an easy guy, he liked to socialize and all that jazz, but to be fair? He didn’t have many friends. Close friends. _Real_ friends. And of course, his best buddy had to be like… freaking _Samoan_ , and spend like the entire summer away from this mudhole of a town, with his family, leaving Lance to rot. He suspected that Hunk not being there was the reason why he bored his brain out every summer.

And despite all of his hopes concerning the supposedly _summer of his life_ (as he called it in his mind), deep down he knew that without Hunk, he was doomed.  

Well, that was before the circus, though. And the bike. And Keith.

“How much does this cost exactly?” he asked, his fingers on the bike, the question came out like it was no big deal, despite the fact that he probably wasn't ready to hear the answer. It was their third session, the sun started to set slowly and the heat became gradually more bearable. No one was in the garage but the two boys, Lance’s father went home for the day after he somewhat fixed Mr García’s old as balls pickup.

“Around thirty thousand bucks, I guess,” Keith answered nonchalantly, even shrugging a bit. The boy's light skin of his hands was dirtied by grease and motor oil, some smeared on his slim face, cause in the meantime, he was fixing one of the old motors they had in the circus that was used by the crew for errands and stuff, and while he was entirely able to heal it by himself, they didn't have the tools for it, so that little motorcycle had ended up in Lance’s garage, too. The electric motorbike Lance had his hands on however - that was a cleaner stuff, not needing all the oil a normal one would’ve needed. At Keith's words however Lance stopped taking the bike in front of him apart.

“You say _what_ now?” he gaped, looking up at Keith. “I thought you guys are like… Not rich? I mean no offense, buddy, but travelling circus people are not really famous of their money.”

Keith shrugged again.

“It was a gift.”

“From _who_?”

“My mother.”

The answer had some finality in it, and while most of the times Lance was really bad at reading the atmosphere, there was something in Keith’s voice, that suggested that they should've dropped this particular topic. And so, Lance let it go, and turned back to the beauty he was working on, brows slightly furrowed.

At first their conversations were tense and strictly about the bike, and payments and stuff concerning the vehicle’s fixing. But halfway into their second session, Lance’s outgoing personality started to show. He just couldn't handle the silences stretching between them uncomfortably, and anyway, Keith was working in a circus, that supposed to be _interesting_ , right?

So he started to ask questions in a very Lance-ish manner, and while Keith looked bothered and annoyed at first, soon he realized that it was easier if he answered and actively took part in the conversations. (It took him a good night sleep to admit to himself that he rather enjoyed the other boy's company, and frankly, he didn't plan on letting that particular fact Lance know.)

Lance wasn't from the circus. He was different. _Normal_ , or at least how Keith pictured a normal seventeen year old boy. Refreshing. All bright sunshine grins and light brown skin, and swear words Keith didn't understand. So different from their crew.

“Are you going to school?” he asked, and Lance raised his head. Most of the times he was the one asking questions, so he was a bit surprised that Keith started a conversation on his own.

“Hmm? Yeah, I do. I’m gonna be senior from this fall, why?”

“I never went to high school. Just wanted to know how was… is it.”

“Boring,” Lance laughed. “Believe me, man, you missed nothing. Just old books, about old guys and old guys’ old theories and stuff like that. I bet it’s not as interesting as traveling.”

“Sometimes I still think I should’ve given it a try at least,” Keith hummed softly, and Lance looked at him curiously.

“If you want to experience the high school environment, you can come to the pr… oh. You won’t be here, will you?”

Lance bit down on his lower lip. And was he really about to ask Keith to go with him to the prom? Was he mad, or what? They didn’t even know each other, not to mention that they couldn’t go together _together_ , cause Lance was not… And who knew if Keith was…

His internal crisis probably remained undiscovered, because Keith laughed, a silly laugh, like he didn’t even realized what Lance was suggesting. He probably really didn’t.

“No. No, I won’t be here. We’re traveling all year, the circus is the home for most of us. Ninety percent of the crew is either orphaned, or they don’t ever want to meet their parents again. Pidge is an exception, of course, but they are the minority, believe me.”

Lance wanted to ask about Keith parents, but he didn’t. He thought of Pidge, the person who took care of the animals, and he smiled.

“So you’ve been to all of America?” he opened his mouth again, not speaking his mind.

“Yeah, most of it. And this winter Shiro, our ringmaster, is planning to do a Latin America tour, so we don’t have to endure the cold winter here in the States, which is really, really nice.”

“Wow, that sounds really cool? I wish I could go with you guys.”

“Are you from there? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Like there, as South America? Nope. My family is from Cuba, originally. My parents had to leave due to political reasons they don’t talk about much anymore, but there’s that. We still speak Spanish at home, and my best friend Hunk says that my heritage is to blame for my, and I quote, terrible music tastes.”

Keith chuckled again. For some reason Lance thought that it wasn’t something the other boy did a lot. And he was happy that he still showed it to him. Even if it wasn’t something Lance was okay with to admit.

“What do you listen to?”

“Buena Vista Social Club?”

“ _What?_ ”

“See?” it was Lance’s turn to laugh. “Next time I’m gonna show it to you, alright?”

_Next time._

Lance was sure they could’ve finished the bike, or bikes at this point, way sooner, but there was this unspoken agreement between them: Lance had a lot of work apart from Keith’s difficult motor, and they enjoyed the slow evenings in each other’s company, which meant the vehicle would take significantly more time to get done.

And, somehow, both of them were alright with that.

***

Lance learned more in the past couple of week than he could’ve ever, watching only YouTube videos, or maybe even attending university - when it came to electric motors, that is. But, here they were: every bike in the possession of either the Circus, or Keith, nice and healed, ready to go. No more evening fixing sessions. It felt like they were back to stage one: uncomfortable silence stretching between them, because they didn’t have an excuse to hang out anymore, but… they didn’t not want to hang out anymore. Neither of them said that out laugh, though.

“So,” he murmured, rubbing the back of his neck.

“So,” Keith repeated.

“We're done here, huh?”

“It definitely seems so,” the black-haired boy answered. “I… we will be here for another week, if… You know. You wanna bring the kids for one last show or…”

“Do you wanna go to the cinema?” Lance asked abruptly, eyes wide and bright. It kinda came out wrong, so he started to explain himself. “There's this action comedy with Sam L. Jackson and normally I'd watch it with Hunk, but… He is not here. So if you want to, then…”

“I'd… Like to, yeah.”

They chuckled nervously, like the two teenagers they were.

They met up by the mall, the only one the town had, with one single screening room. The cinema was full, guys and girls and couples and kids, and Lance was afraid that the uncomfortable silence will be back, but nothing like that happened. They were chatting and they ate the popcorn they were supposed to take inside the room, but they couldn’t really stop themselves. It was almost like when he was with Hunk, except it kind of really _wasn’t_ , they were sitting, judging the people who walked by, creating unbelievable stories for them, then laughed when they could think of something truly hilarious.

It was like a da…

 _It was, what it was: two really good friends hanging out_ , Lance corrected himself before his mind wandered too far away from its safe home.

Lance had the time of his life. He had it on Saturday, too, when he took the kids to the circus one last time.

He had it, he told himself, when after the show he shook Keith’s hand, because he didn’t know what else to do. Keith wasn’t affectionate, not like Lance or his family was, anyway, and it would’ve felt weird to hug him, so he didn’t, even though he wanted to, he really wanted to…

No.

This, this wasn’t the time of his life. He hated saying goodbyes, especially in circumstances like this. His sibling even cried a bit, and Lance lost the words he wanted so desperately to say out loud, till he became a stammering mess.

“I…” he started, but couldn’t carry on. Keith let his hand go, and grinned, and it was crooked, and tiny, and a bit sad, maybe.

“It’s okay,” he said. “We’re coming back next year.”

And then he turned his back on Lance and his family, and walked away.

On Sunday evening, when Lance passed by it, the only reminder of the circus ever being there was the flattened grass all over of the fields of No Man’s Land.

Lance only then realized that he never asked for Keith’s phone number, nor did he asked how old he was.

He regretted it already, because… Who could tell if Keith was really coming back?

 


	2. interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone! i added some new tags and characters (none of them will appear in this chapter though, as it really is an interlude, a quick catch-up about what happens to the boys in between summers), and i miiiiiiight add some minor background ships, we'll see.
> 
> i'm so happy about the kudos and comments and all that, thank you so much, guys! <3
> 
> i'll try to update regularly (every Wednesday for now).
> 
> aaaaand find me on twitter (@skyestale) and tumblr (@skyestales) please???? i'm really awkward and all, but it would be so nice to get to know you guys????

He was tapping his feet to the mattress, while lying in bed and staring at his ceiling. Couple of years back, he had glow in the dark stars stuck there, but nowadays it was just a blank, white page, waiting to be filled.

Not that _that_ would ever happen. Lance wanted to leave this place, honestly. For some reason, he was restless. Not that he hated it here, he just… wanted to be somewhere else.

Outside it was cold, and dark, and he couldn’t see a thing on the other side of his window, like he was in space, surrounded by blackness and nothing. In February, summer was _already,_ or maybe _still,_ really far away. Sometimes, it felt like those couple of hot weeks, and the circus, and above all else, _Keith_ , never happened. Other times, he just wanted to know _why_ was it so important for him to know that it happened. He and Keith, they were barely friends, if anything. Just a random circus kid met another random kid from the town they stopped by, and they hung out a couple of times. End of the story.

If there was at least a way to contact the other boy… But Lance couldn't find him on Facebook, or any other social network sites he was familiar with. He could've contacted the circus itself, but… That wasn't the same.

And also. He was chickenshit. And it didn't matter anyway, because Lance still found himself, wondering about promises they had made - or Keith had made - and the coming summer, and the dreams he sometimes had.

Like yesterday, for example. He knew it was a dream, because he had never been in the circus when there wasn’t a show, but yesterday night, he was there, standing in the middle of the round stage, and he could smell the animals, the hay, the scent of cotton candy and buttery popcorn. And the chairs, the auditorium was dark, but he alone was bathing in light, and when he looked up, there was Keith, ready to jump, ready to fly, _ready to live,_ and so he did. In the next moment, they were nose to nose, Keith hanging upside down from the trapeze, wearing that crooked, small and sad smile of his, and just looked, looked at Lance, like he wanted to say something, but couldn’t quite open his mouth. So his hands came up to touch Lance’s face, his fingers long and calloused and warm, and Keith touched him softly, the thin skin under his blue eyes, and Lance wanted to touch back _so badly,_ he lifted an arm, but before he reached the black-haired boy, he…

He woke up. And Keith disappeared into the darkness of his bedroom, along with the smell of the circus, _the smell of his last summer._

Lane didn't understand. He didn't like Keith, not like _that_ anyway. He didn't like boys.

And now here he was, hours later, _months later,_ a stressful day was following his unexplainable night, because it was time for them to write applications, and visit universities, or just like, you know, decide about their future. No biggie.

He dreaded the conversation that was sure to come. His mother… maybe she would understand, even if it meant that Lance left home. But his father… He had no idea what he would tell. Not that it changed anything to be fair. Lance was going to leave for Chicago, didn't really matter whatever his parents said, or so he told himself. But he loved his family, and he didn't want to argue, didn't want to fight, nor he wanted to leave knowing that maybe there was no coming home.

He sighed. His two older siblings were already out of the nest, his sister’s wedding close, and his brother was living with his girlfriend, too. Both of them stayed in town, but neither would take over the garage, nor would they cause surprises. Out of all of his family, he was the only one who wanted to wander and discover and… All those other, romantic things.

And he wanted his family to support him.

Over dinner on Saturday, he decided. That's when he was going to tell them. His stomach stirred just thinking about it.

“Lance?” he heard his mother from downstairs. “¿Mi hijo?”

“Si, mamá!” he responded getting up. He trapped down, and leaned to the door of the kitchen.

“You've got mail,” his mother smiled, and pointed her thumb toward the kitchen table. Lance raised a brow.

“Me? From who?”

“It doesn't really say,” the woman shrugged.

The boy walked to the table, and lifted the letters. Most of them were bills or official-looking stuff for his parents. But then he found it: the postcard was colorful and _loud_ in a way, samba dancers on its front. Oh. It was carnival season in Brazil, wasn't it? He turned it over.

It was handwritten, but he couldn't recognise the letters, so instead of figuring it out, he started to read it.

_If everything goes as it's planned, we'll be there by the 26th of July. Brazil is amazing by the way, and I had way more fun at the carnival than I thought I would. Give the kids a hug for Pidge and me._

Lance couldn't hold back the grin. It was Keith, couldn't be anyone else. And he remembered, remembered the promise and Lance, and it just made him so happy, he…

“Who is it from?” his mother asked, pulling Lance back out of his head.

“Keith.”

“The circus guy?”

“Yeah. He's coming back.”

He pretended not to see the curious look his mother shot him. He was just happy because his friend was coming back. It was like when Hunk came back from his vacations. Right.

_They were friends._

***

Summer rain was hitting the windows of the trailer. It was weird, they left summer behind just to arrive to summer again. Earth was a beautiful, a wonderful place, and Keith often thought how humanity didn’t deserve it.

He spinned the postcard around between his fingers unconsciously, watching the raindrops run down on the glass. He loved summer rain, he loved the smell, and the feeling of it. And it made him think of a little town with a boy eyes as blue as a maar’s water up in the mountains.

He wished he could bring Lance up to the mountains. Maybe sometime in the future, when they’ve sorted out their relationship.

 _If_ there was a relationship.

Keith was gay, nothing new about that… but he wasn’t sure about Lance. He wasn’t sure about anything, when it came to the other one. He will see him in the summer, for sure… or was it for sure? He is going there, but will Lance will still be in town, too?

He should’ve asked for his phone number, but he would’ve been still a coward to actually call or text him. Probably

“Will you write that postcard, or do you plan to spin it till your fingers bore a hole into it?”

Keith rolled his eyes at Shiro, but didn’t answer.

“Who did you plan to send it anyway?” the older one’s voice was gentle, and Keith knew he didn’t mean to hurt him: neither of them had a family anymore. They only had each other.

“Lance,” he said simply, and Shiro hummed.

“ _Suki ka? Ano yatsu ga?_ ”

“ _Wakannai wa,_ ” Keith shrugged, Japanese rolling from his tongue like second nature, eyes not leaving the raindrops on the window, and the green-gray world outside. “I liked spending time with him.”

“We’re going back to his town this summer,” Shiro said carefully, and Keith nodded.

“Yeah. Yeah, I know. But maybe it’s not enough for me. It’s not enough if summer is all we have.”

He put down the postcard, and reached out for a pen. He knew the address, he spent way too many hours in the garage to not remember.

***

When his mother urged the kids to go to their rooms, Lance already knew that the conversation won’t be easy. They had his older siblings over for dinner as well, and Lance did not expect that, but he promised himself to talk about his university plans on Saturday, and he couldn’t back down now. He just couldn’t.

His father was looking at him, his face blank, but Lance somehow knew that _he knew_ or maybe suspected what this all was about.

Once his mother was back, and they all settled around the table, Lance took a deep breath and looked at his mom, to gain some leverage.

“You guys probably have some expectations and stuff, but I really don’t want to learn mechanics and engineering. I know it must be a disappointment to you dad, but that’s it. I love cars, and I know I’m good at that kind of stuff, but I just can’t imagine myself doing repairing all my life. So, I decided to go to Chicago. I want to major in social work and social studies. It's probably not what you wanted for me… Or from me, but it's what I want to do. I’m… sorry, ” he winced at the last word. There was nothing he should've apologised for.

Nobody said a word. They were just staring at Lance, his sister, Pilar was fidgeting with her fingers, and his brother Santi was chewing on his lower lip. But then Lance saw the mischievous glint in Santi’s eyes, and that gave him a bit of a courage. At least he could count on his brother. As always.

“It's expensive to leave here, Lance. We can't… Possibly give you money for rent.”

“I can live in the dorms,” Lance pointed out. He was relieved that his mother at least was willing to discuss this. “And I can work part-time, of course. It's not that I'm waiting for you to pay all of it, or…”

He didn't know how to continue.

“I just really want to go there and…  do that.”

Before anyone could have said anything, his father stood up and left the kitchen, without words. He was a silent man, always, and it made Lance uncomfortable, it made his father hard to approach. He could never tell what he was thinking and it made him go just… _mad._

“Dad?” he called after the man, but he didn't stop, and he soon after disappeared into their room. Lance sighed and rubbed his face, then he let his head drop to the tabletop.

Pilar put one of her hands on his lower arm.

“He's going to come to you, little brother, don't worry. It's just… None of his kids wanted to do something so different before, you know? I mean I have a decent job and found a nice guy, and Santi was never the mechanic of the family, but in the end he did what dad wanted him to do, too. But he loves you. He will come to you,” she repeated, tightening her fingers a bit around Lance’s arm.

“Yeah,” Lance said, but he didn't sound convinced at all.

“Do you really want to do this?” his mother asked suddenly and Lance looked up. Her face was just a bit distant like she was trying to see all of this from somewhere else, outside of her own body. Lance nodded.

“Si, mamá.”

“Did you check dorms and other possibilities already?” came the next question and Lance nodded again.

“I think sharing a flat is also an option, a bit more private than a dorm, and not that much more expensive. I can work in a coffee shop, or maybe even a garage part-time, and I might be able to have partial scholarship… I've read into it, mamá. I want to do this,” he said on a low voice and his mother gave him the tiniest of smiles.

“I'll talk to your father about it.”

None of them said a word in the next couple of minutes, than his mother sighed, long but somewhat accepting.

“It is going to be alright,” she said, looking Lance straight in the eyes. “You'll always be our son, and we will always support you, I hope you know that.”

Lance nodded. He wasn't one hundred percent sure, but he wanted to believe his mother, more than anything.

“What about Hunk?” Santiago asked, guiding the conversation towards calmer waters.

Lance laughed an easy, happy laugh.

“Hunk could go anywhere he wants to go, and the schools would beg for him,” he said. “But we talked about it, and Chicago is an option for him, too.”

“My heart would be at ease if you two were to leave together,” Pilar nodded. “You two were always inseparable, guess there _are_ things that never change.”

“Yeah. There might be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now, entschuldigung, but i don't speak Spanish at all, and google translate i don't trust _at all_ , but i do speak Japanese and the really short conversation is basically translated as Shiro asking if Keith liked Lance, and Keith answered with a "dunno". i imagine the two of them using Japanese a lot in private conversations.


	3. choice kingdom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh my gooooooooood, this took me so long, i'm so sorry. i'd like to thank the wonderful people on the klance discord server, who helped me finish this, srsly.
> 
> this is still unbetaed, i'm still esl, forgive my mistakes, and i hope you'll love this <3

The Dog Days were intolerable, much like they were last summer. Lance had been sweating so hard, he was actually surprised that he didn’t get dehydrated. His hair that looked the same since he was born, basically… he decided to cut it, just to make it easier on his skin and neck. 

“Wow, man, that looks  _ badass, _ ” Hunk exclaimed when they met up for a life-saver ice-cream. Lance couldn't remember when was the last time they actually spent a summer together, but with university coming up, and all kinds of stuff to take care of, Hunk only spent a couple of weeks away instead of the months they were used to, and when the end of July rolled around, the big guy was back. 

“You think so?” Lance asked, just a bit shy, his fingers running over the undercut he had above his ears and up his neck. 

“It oddly suits you, buddy,” Hunk grinned. “I'm sure  _ others _ will like it, too.”

“I have no idea what you're talking about, man,” Lance deadpanned, and Hunk rolled his eyes at him. 

“Sure you don't. Now come, I'm paying this time.”

After the ice-cream, Hunk had to head back home, his mom needing some help around the house, and Lance kind of had a shift to take in the garage. It was still weird, months had passed, and it was still weird between him and his father. The man never talked much, and it took him some time to even  _ react _ , when it came to Lance’s university plans. 

It was weird being around him, for Lance. Anxiety gripped him tightly, his guts shrinking in on themselves every time they had to be together without someone else also present. 

It was weird, because his father could never truly lost his Spanish accent, even less so than his mother. It was weird, because even when he didn't said a word, Lance still felt like a constant disappointment to his father, to everyone, really. 

He knew, somewhere deep inside his heart that he wasn't. He also knew that his father loved Lance. He knew, that he was silent and distant, because he grew up under a communist regime, something his children couldn't even imagine from the bright and free America. He knew he had seen things Lance could and would never seen, before he got out and away to have a new life, a better life. And all those things he had seen and experienced… They left their marks on his father's soul. 

But knowing it and dealing with it were two different things, and in the end Lance was just a kid. A kid who sometimes desperately needed his father's words, but he mostly didn't received any of them. 

It was hard. And so was spending time with his father in the garage. 

When summer holiday officially kicked in, and they officially left high school, Lance started to count the days down. Keith would be coming back. He and the circus would be coming back. A bit more than a month, he thought then, and they could again…

They could again what?

They were barely friends to begin with, and Lance cursed himself every day for not asking for at least Keith's e-mail address. He went a whole year with one single postcard from a guy he hung out with just through one summer and acted entirely like a teenage girl with a stupid crush now, just because there was a chance of meeting him again. So stupid.

He even cut his hair, Hunk was right to make fun of him. 

Eventually he gave up on keeping track on the days and dates. He shouldn't get his hopes up. Even if he'd come back, it didn't mean anything. June ended and July rolled around, and he was still working in the garage, saving money up, and looking for cheap flats in Chicago. Dorms, of course, weren't too expensive, but he and Hunk both thought that a flat would be much more optimal, even if they have to share. 

He sighed and focused back on the present and the tasks at hand at the moment. 

“So, where should I start, papá?” he asked, and his dad looked up from the truck he was working on. Honestly, it almost looked like the older man didn’t even notice when his son appeared in the garage. He looked at Lance for a long moment, his eyes bored into him, and Lance felt like he could see all his secrets and insecurities. It wasn’t pleasant.

After a long moment however, his father turned his head, and pointed at Mrs Fitzpatrick’s old VW. 

“Check out the old lady, she doesn’t want to start,  _ again _ .”

They’d told Mrs Fitzpatrick at least a hundred times already, that she’d be better off with a new car altogether, but the lady was almost as stubborn as her yellow car. Lance snickered, but lifted up the hood anyway. He didn’t even have to get in too deep, but already could tell, that they had to change multiple parts, and that was the bare minimum.

He sighed, the air rushed out of his lungs, then he steadied himself, and started to work. At some point, his father bid his goodbye, he had to pick up one of his siblings from a friend’s house, leaving him behind. He got so immersed in work that he actually jumped, when someone knocked on the doors of their garage.

“Jesus Christ!” Lance exclaimed, and gripped his dirty old tee over his heart, his breath coming out in short rushes. Then, he turned around.

He changed  _ nothing.  _

He was still a couple of inches shorter than Lance, lean muscles, silky black hair and violet eyes. When they’d first met, Keith’s face betrayed nothing, but now, if he looked close enough, Lance could see a barely there smile, and a bit of uncertainty.

“Hey.”

It wasn’t the voice Lance remembered of. To be honest, in the last couple of months, he couldn’t even recall the exact tone the other boy used anymore, and that made him a bit panicky, he didn’t want to forget. But he was sure that this was not the voice Keith had when he said goodbye. It was shakier, huskier…  _ cuter.  _ But other than that, no changes. Even his black jeans, his old, worn red tee and his mullet were the same.

Lance swallowed so he wouldn’t choke on his saliva.

“Hey,” he said back and lifted his hand to a lame little wave.

“You cut your hair,” Keith observed, and boy, Lance hoped that he only felt hot because he worked hard, and not because he was blushing,  _ furiously so.  _

“Yeah. Went to the hairdresser today, actually,” he mumbled, eyes downcasted. God, did he missed this boy? It was so good to see him again it hurt, and yet, he was incapable of forming coherent sentences now that he was here. 

Awkward silence fell on them, the tension rising till Lance couldn’t take it anymore. And then, he started to laugh.

“Man, why are we all embarrassed all of a sudden?” he asked, but didn’t really wait for an answer. He walked up to Keith, and remembered their awkward handshake from last year, and did not intend to repeat it. “I missed you, buddy.” 

He only spared a glance to Keith’s face, and then hugged him shortly. It wasn’t intimate, only a quick hug between old friends who couldn’t meet for a while. He felt Keith tensing up, but before Lance could’ve pulled back, the artist grabbed the back of his t-shirt, and returned the hug.

“Yeah. I missed you, too, I guess,” he mumbled, Lance could barely hear him.

“Next time, you’re not allowed to leave without actually leaving some way for me to contact you!” Lance laughed and stepped back. “I mean postcards are nice and everything, but I can’t really  _ answer  _ them,” he pointed out, and Keith smiled at him. 

He was probably most definitely blushing now. Damn.

“Do you have work left?” Keith asked, and Lance looked over his shoulder right at Mrs Fitzpatrick’s yellow VW. 

“I technically do, but it’s getting dark and late, and it’s nothing I can’t finish tomorrow.”

“We could… hang out, if you'd like to.”

Lance remembered  _ this. _ The cautious way Keith talked, like he was afraid of rejection, all the time. Well, good thing that Lance wouldn’t, or rather  _ couldn't,  _ even think of rejecting him.

“Sure. I should go home to clean up and change first, though. I probably smell like motor oil.”

Keith shrugged.

“I’m from a circus, things like that don’t really bother me,” he offered, and Lance rolled his eyes. 

“Well, they bother  _ me. _ And I bet the kids would be happy to see you, anyway.”

“Oh.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

Lance furrowed his brows. It definitely did not sound like  _ nothing, _ but a moment later, he could see a genuine smile on Keith’s face, like the mention of his little siblings made him happy. Lance knew for a fact, that Mario and Reb would be more than happy to meet him again. Lance thought that they would forget about the artist soon enough, but nothing like that happened. The kids couldn’t wait for the circus to come around again.

They walked up to Lance’s house in companionable silence. The long summer day was reaching its end, the sun setting over the horizon, painting the sky angry orange and burning red. Lance couldn’t wait the temperature to drop. He put his hands into his pockets, and Keith next to him mirrored the movement.

“You sure it’s not a problem if I just… drop by? It’s getting late, I don’t want to be rude or anything,” Keith said, lifting his shoulders. He didn’t look at Lance.

“It’s fine, man. You’re welcome and everything. And anyways. My mom would  _ choke _ me if I let you wait outside without inviting you in.”

There it was again, that small smile on Keith’s lips. Was he smiling this much last year, too? Lance wasn’t sure, but he was definitely glad to see it  _ now. _

***

Keith knew that a circus looked nothing like a circus in the first couple of days after arrival. They had to build the tent, and Pidge was taking care of their animals, all tired and irritated after a long ride. They didn’t usually let civilians in, not until all the work was finished at least. But Lance was different, because… well, because he was Lance, and Keith wanted to hang out with him. So, when the other boy dropped by, he was more than happy to lead him to Pidge. And well, last time he couldn’t really show where he  _ really  _ lived.

“Sooooo…” Lance drawled, “Since this is our last summer before university, and we have like shitton of work left to do, Hunk, my best friend forever is home and I thought that you might… wanna meet him?” 

Keith bit down on his lower lip. He heard about Hunk, was pretty sure that one couldn’t not hear of Hunk if he was friends with Lance. It was just… Keith wanted Lance’s people to  _ like him _ for some reason. 

“Uh. Yeah, okay.”

“We have regular cinematic Fridays, and yeah, you guessed right, it means we’re going to the cinema on Fridays. Mostly for free, because Hunk worked there one summer and they  _ loved _ him, ‘cause everyone loves Hunk,  _ duh,  _ and we can just sneak in on the backdoor. Man, nothing is as good as free movies in the cinema, I’m telling you.”

“Sure.”

He hadn’t been going to the movies a lot, didn’t have the time, mostly. But they would spend another month or so here, and if they go in the early afternoon, he’d be good to go on the evening show. 

Lance hummed and looked at the trailers lining up by the edge of the field. Keith knew that the locals called this place no man’s land. But no man’s land wasn’t no man’s land anymore, it was lively and colorful thanks to the circus, and they brought around the kind of life not even the unbearable summer heat could strangle and beat down.

“How’s you Energica?” Lance asked and leant to the rails separating the trailers from the actual construction site. Finally a safe topic. Keith let the grin take his face over, he just loved his bike.

“Good as new. We actually did a really good job last summer if I do say so myself.” 

Lance grinned back.

“Show me sometime?”

Keith just shrugged, still grinning, and tried not to think too hard of the implications of that sentence. Did he mean Keith should take him for a ride? Or he wanted to drive the bike himself? Either was fine with Keith, but if he wanted to be honest… well, he had a preferred scenario there. This was  _ not _ a safe topic anymore however, so he decided to ask his own questions. He rarely did that anyway, he was content with letting Lance talk, and talk, and talk…

“So you’re going to university?”

“Yeah, actually. To Chicago with Hunk. It was a hard battle at home, but all’s good for now. I mean my old man still kinda gives me the silent treatment, but he never talked much to begin with, so I think I’m good. Could’ve been much worse.”

Keith hummed thoughtfully. Both of those concepts were foreign for him. He never really had a dad, and most definitely didn’t have the chance or desire to go to college. 

“Chicago is cool, I’ve been there once when they had a circus festival. It’s kind of an indoor thing, and you can only get on the stage with invitation.”

“Well, you’re really good on the trapeze so I’m not surprised.”

“Whatever you’re trying to achieve with your flattering, you’re not gonna succeed,” Keith deadpanned, but it was worth it for the chuckle from Lance.

“I’m really excited, though. I always wanted to study social work and stuff, and I’m sorry… but it will be just nice to get out of here for a change. I love this place, but most of the times this here is not the only part of town that feels like it’s no man’s land,” he said, not looking at Keith. 

“I understand,” Keith nodded, and he did. He loved his life as it was; couldn’t imagine living it in one place. “I would feel like a prisoner if I had to live here. No offense.”

“Yeah.”

“But you’ll come back for summer, right?”

The question was out before his brain could’ve used its filters.  _ Fuck, _ Keith thought. It’s not like they made promises. It’s not like Lance had to come back for the summer holiday, just so he could meet Keith. He might’ve not wanted to see him the next summer for all he knew. But it was too late to take it back, so he just reigned his features in, praying for that they’d speak of nothing.

“I guess so? My family would kill me if I didn’t,” Lance said nonchalantly, but there was a gleam in his eyes that made Keith feel like he was exposed somehow, but they let him off the hook this time. He was really grateful for that. Especially when Lance smoothly changed the topic of their conversation. “So when you will finish this whole building thing? My fam, Hunk included, can’t wait to see you up in the air again.”

“Tomorrow. I’m supposed to put up posters this afternoon, so if you don’t have anything to do, you can help me out anytime.”

Lance frowned.

“I actually have a shift to take in the garage, but I’m gonna send you a message when I finish, so we can see if you’re still out working. Speaking of which,” Lance reached for his phone, then looked up at Keith, “this would be the perfect moment for you to give me your number, or whatever thing you prefer for communicating.”

“Wow, Lance, smooth as fuck.”

“Shut up mullet. Smooth is my middle name.”

“If that makes you feel better, than whatever sails your boat.”

“I hate you.”

Keith snickered, something he didn’t do very often, but finally he pulled his phone out of his back pocket ( _ we don’t keep our wands in our back pocket, Harry Potter! _ ) and gave Lance his number. A moment later it vibrated with a new message from a number he haven’t seen before.

_ mullet, the trapeze artist, it is I, Smooth Boi, _ it said, and okay, that deserved an all-out laugh.

“You’re and idiot.”

“Please.”

“So, you wanna come in and see where I live?” Keith asked, a bit embarrassed. Circus life wasn’t really something that people associated with welfare, but they were wrong: sure, the trailers were small, and they were on the road all year, and they definitely hadn’t been rich or whatever, but Keith wouldn’t have given this up for anything. He just couldn’t picture himself settling down, being a normal person. Sure, he sometimes missed school, or well, the idea of school that existed in his head, but most of the times he was just grateful to be able to be up in the air, and see the world, and meet new people…

People like Lance.

“Sure,” Lance nodded, and pushed himself away from the temporary railing. “I hope you have embarrassing anime posters and shit.”

“First of all, anime posters are not  _ embarrassing _ , per se,” he rolled his eyes, but whatever reasoning was he about to lay out, Lance only laughed at him, so he just continued, “and secondly, I don’t have posters. I have a couple of pictures, though.”

Okay, so maybe he wasn’t entirely honest. It wasn’t just a couple of pictures. 

He loved two things in his life - and by that he meant  _ things _ , people excluded - his bike and his camera. He loved taking pictures of the places they visited, or sometimes the people he met. He still felt a bit of regret over the fact that he hadn’t taken a shot of Lance last summer, but back then it just would’ve been awkward to ask him if he could, and well, he might have had sneaky aspects, bordering on stalkery, but sure as hell wouldn’t take a picture of someone without consent.

The trailer didn’t have much of wall-space so he instead put his pictures up, little strings hanging from the ceiling, pictures attached to all of them: like a memory shower. It looked nice, and he was proud of it, but never really considered how it looked like from another person’s perspective. The awe that took over Lance’s face however was telling enough. The other boy looked up, marveling at the shots, and Keith could see how his eyes jumped from the picture he took of Pidge up on a tree in Brasil, to a sunset on the West Coast. 

When Lance lifted an arm it was an involuntary reaction, and he only caught himself after he traced the lines of Keith’s forever frozen body leaning against a forever frozen Shiro, both of them laughing. Pidge took that picture actually, but Keith loved it all the same.

He loved the blush on Lance’s skin as well.

***

“I LOVE HUNK!” Mario exclaimed with all the enthusiasm of a child under ten, and also, with all the enthusiasm of a child who had just been lifted so he could sit on the shoulders of the tallest man in town.

“Thanks Mario,” Hunk laughed, and Lance rolled his eyes. “Love you, too, buddy.”

“Yeah, thanks Mario. Real nice of you, bro.”

He could  _ almost  _ hear Reb rolling her eyes next to him,  _ at him _ . Well, whatever. He was allowed to be jelly, he didn’t want to share the big brother privileges, not even with Hunk. Now that their moving was actually within reach, he started thinking about how lonely he will be without his family. And how badly he was going to miss his siblings. Especially the little ones. 

“Can’t wait to see the show,” Reb added and skipped so she got in front of them, as they lined up for tickets. “You could’ve asked Keith for tickets, though.”

“Well I could’ve but I didn’t,” Lance shrugged.

They couldn’t actually make it to opening night. He had to work, and the kids visited his grandma with their parents, so he had to watch the garage, and Keith got more occupied than either of them would’ve guessed. And that was alright. Not seeing him every day was alright. Because Keith frightened him.

Lance always thought of himself as a girl-kind of person. Like, he preferred girls. And okay, so he  _ knew _ he found guys attractive, but he never thought much of it until now, because he didn’t want to. He had nothing about gays, really, he was just afraid. His family made a big deal out of him moving away, he couldn’t even imagine what they’d do with the fact of him bringing home boys.

Of course, his dreams of last summer should’ve been telling, but Lance was a King when it came to denial, and the feeling of wanting to be Keith’s  _ friend  _ was genuine, apart from the dreams. So he told himself that he missed Keith, because he missed the beginnings of a great friendship. It was almost -  _ mostly  _ \- true. 

But now Keith was back, and his dreams were like a thousand times worse than they were in the winter, and he couldn’t stay away, and it seemed like  _ Keith  _ couldn’t stay away either, and they were awkward but good, and Lance  _ loved  _ it, and that scared him even more. He wasn't a brave person. He didn't know how to be. 

Or maybe he was. Maybe not staying away when he was afraid was actually being brave. 

He was hyped about the show tonight, too, of course, and he didn't want to put it off more. He just… Had to figure out a lot of things. 

Many people remembered the circus from last year, and Keith did a good job with the posters in the surrounding towns, because Lance had seen faces he didn't see much around here. The show actually got sold out a bit after they secured their tickets. Lance was happy. He was already thinking of the next summer, when the circus would come back, if they were successful enough this year.

Once they found seats and sat down the kids become fidgety and Lance couldn't blame them. He could feel it, too, the magic of the circus swallowing him down, and then the lights went out, only a single reflector up, pointing at Shiro standing in the middle of the circular stage. 

“Ladies and gents, this is the moment you've waited for!” he called and Lance couldn’t keep the smile off of his face. This place, the circus was truly from another world, and the people working for it were just as awesome. They watched the animals, and jugglers, and clowns, and dancers, and then finally, he was there, up on the trapeze in his white and red uniform.

“So this is Keith,” he heard from Hunk. He only glanced at him from the corner of his eyes, but still could see the fascination he himself felt, when he first had seen Keith performing. It had nothing to do with gender or attraction, it was purely the fact that there was a person, up there, and then he jumped, and he wasn’t a person anymore, he was like the most elegant bird, or a slow and graceful wildcat, as he curled around his trapeze. 

Sometimes, Lance just couldn’t wrap his head around this. Why was he part of a traveling circus? Keith could’ve made it big in cities, in big companies, he was invited to festivals, he alone, he even said so. 

Yet here he was, in a good company, but still on the road, and Lance could hardly imagine that he made enough money to save up and live comfortably once his career was eventually over. 

He couldn’t ask him about it though. Like, how would that even go:  _ hey, so why are you wasting away your talent in a traveling circus when you’re so good??  _ There was no way he could ask something like that without sounding like a total asshole. And he didn’t want that. Whatever this… was between them, he didn’t want to ruin it. He  _ liked _ Keith. 

After the show, they stayed around. It was good to see Pidge again, who bonded with Reb and Marco over the circus animals, and curiously with Hunk over robotics. Pidge was another mystery when it came to this circus: why did someone with clear interest in mechanics and robotics (and as far as Lance could pick up, they were good at it, too) work for a traveling circus as animal caretaker?

It didn’t take that long for Keith to find them after the show, he looked still winded after his performance, and chose to enter the scene in the moment Pidge was talking about him. About them.

“I’m happy you’re still here. He was kinda caught up with the whole idea of coming back here and meet you,” they said with a mischievous grin. Lance’s ears blushed, and couldn’t really look Pidge in the eye.

“Well, I’m definitely happy you came back, guys,” he shrugged, clearing his throat. And then he saw Keith, who might’ve been blushing, but one really couldn’t tell if the rosy spots on his face were of embarrassment or due to the heavy work-out he just executed. 

“Are you lying about me again, Pidge?” Keith asked, and pointedly didn’t meet Lance’s eyes. He grinned at his siblings instead and high fived both of them, than turned towards Hunk. It was awkward only for a moment, because Keith may have been not good with strangers, but Hunk was apparently an amazing human being, so that was that. 

“So you’re Keith! Man, I’ve heard about you a lot.”

“All horrible things, I’m sure,” he snorted, but couldn’t really hide the slight curl of his lips from Lance, and the expression made Lance smile, too. “And you must be Hunk?”

“Yep, that’s right. Also, I knew Lance since we were kids, so I also knew that everything that he said should be considered with caution.”

“Hunk, my man, that wasn’t nice at all,” Lance pouted, but his joy was still evident. He throw an arm around Lance’s shoulders and knocked their heads together.

“C’mon, man, you know I love you, and you also know I’m right, so.”

Lance laughed, with Hunk this close, and as Mario clutched at his hand while Reb was animatedly talking to Pidge, he felt alive. And when he looked at Keith, and his eyes meet the fiery gray-violet orbs and his guts made a somersault and his heart was beating so fast he was sure Keith could hear it.

Maybe Lance wanted him to hear it.

***

Lance’s family were honestly a bit scary. They were loud and passionate, and everything Keith pictured as a good family. A family full of love. He was just a bit envy, but mostly scared. Scared, because Lance’s mom welcomed him when they first met with such enthusiasm, like  _ he _ was also part of the family. (Maybe he wished he was.) 

It was scary, because Lance’s siblings treated him like he was one of them. Even Lance’s father; he was a quiet man, eerily so, but when he looked at Keith, his eyes were soft, even though his face mostly looked neutral.

But mostly, Keith was scared because he recognized his feelings as nothing like brotherly love. Whatever he felt for Lance, it wasn’t like the love he felt for Shiro. And sure, having siblings must’ve been nice, but he didn’t want that. He wanted something entirely else from Lance, and the thought scared him.

Like now for example. They were in Lance’s room, Keith reading up on housing in big cities, while Lance checked out and searched for rooms for rent in Chicago. Most were unreasonably expensive, and as far as Keith could tell, it won’t get any better. See? Another point to trailers. 

“Agh!” Lance grumbled in exasperation, knocking his forehead to the table he put his laptop on. “We won’t ever actually move to Chicago, I’m telling you. I checked the campus dorms, and it’s just… not something Hunk and I could do, I can tell you that. I’ll have to work, sure, was counting on it, but even if my parents help me out, I just can’t afford a room and sharing flat. And besides, I really don’t want to ask for money.”

“You give up so easily,” Keith clicked his tongue, just to rile Lance up, and well, it worked. The Cuban looked up with a frown.

“What does that mean?”

“I mean you still have a bit of time left, right? Maybe you’re looking at the wrong sites.”

“Well,” Lance rolled his eyes at him, “if you’re such a  _ housing guru _ , be my guest and try. It’s impossible.”

Rationally, Keith know Lance was baiting him, but he didn’t find it in himself to care. He grabbed Lance’s laptop and pulled it into his lap on the bed. Lance stood up from his chair and flopped down by his side, his shoulder touchin Keith’s knee where his skin peeked out from under his thorn black jeans. Keith blinked and tried to focus on the screen instead of the heat that was just radiating from Lance. 

Okay, so maybe he actually know how to look for cheap flats in Chicago. Maybe he knew that Pidge’s brother, Matt was living there, going to the very same university Lance will be attending real soon, and maybe, just maybe, he asked for tips. Keith was nothing if not resourceful. 

“What kind of sorcery is this, Keith Kogane?” Lance raised his brows, when he caught a glimpse of the Facebook group Keith opened in a new window. “Also, how come we’re not friends on Facebook? You deeply offend me.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t actually use it that much,” Keith shrugged, but Lance scowled at him.

“You’re one of those people, aren’t you?”

“What people?”

“The ones who have their bike as their profile pic??”

“Jesus Christ, Lance,  _ no! _ ”

“You absolutely are!”

“Am not!”

“Are, too!”

“You’re so childish, I can’t even,” Keith grumbled defeated.

“Prove that I’m not right, then, come on.”

Keith rolled his eye, but did give in, and opened his own profile in a new window. He wasn’t lying, because it wasn’t his bike. It was him in the air. Of course, his face couldn’t be seen clearly, but that was that. Pidge caught that particular pic, and Keith just loved how dynamic it looked, so he kept it, and eventually set it as his profile pic.

“Wow, dude, that actually looks dope?” 

“Your surprised tone is actually hurtful, you know?”

“I’m sorry, man, I just… this looks really cool.”

“Thanks.”

Keith couldn’t keep the blush off of his face, but thankfully Lance did not comment on it. The other boy just looked back at his computer and they were scrolling down, checking out flats, and Keith tried not to dwell on the fact that if they found the perfect flat, Lance might not want to come back for the next summer. It was one depressing thought for sure. Lance said he’d come back, right? Keith had no reason to doubt his word.

No reason at all.

“Oh, wait! I’ve just seen something that looked promising? Could you scroll back up a bit?”

It was a sunny, comfy looking flat, and they offered two rooms for rent. The people they would share were the owners, so it was convenient and they looked genuinely nice. Well, maybe not the guy, he had foxy features, but the girl was an absolute beauty and just radiated kindness.

And the best part? It was cheap. Suspiciously so.

“This looks too good to be true,” Lance said and swallowed. Keith looked at him from the corner of the eyes.

“You can always call them? And you and Hunk have to go there anyway before the semester starts at least once, so you can see it for yourself.”

“Yeah. Shit, this looks nice.  _ They  _ look nice.”

“Yeah,” Keith nodded. And if he was looking at Lance instead of the screen, nobody had to know about it.

***

The circus’ time in town came to an end way faster than either of them expected. It felt like their time together ended sooner than last year, and once again, they were standing face to face, saying good-bye neither of them were good at. 

Lance hated saying good-byes. But now at least he could contact Keith anytime, which was small comfort, but Lance would have it.

“So,” he said, shoving his hands into his pocket.

“So,” Keith repeated.

“I guess I’ll see you next year?” he asked a bit unsure. Summer really was all they had.

“And we can talk anytime,” Keith reassured him with a small sime.

“Yeah, that too.”

“Take care, Lance.”

Lance wanted to say something, but before he could, Keith leaned in and placed a small kiss on his face. And if it landed in the corner of his mouth…

It definitely landed there.

Lance forgot to breathe, and talk, and just exist all together, and couldn’t say anything as Keith, just like last summer, walked out of his life.


End file.
